Friday, August 27, 2010

On, On

I woke up this morning and told myself that today I was going to find one thing to make me happy.

Just one thing that would make me smile.

Just one thing that would lift my shoulders up and make me walk ever so more lightly.

That's not too much is it?

I picked up my CSA share yesterday and could not believe how much beautiful, fresh food was packed into a bushel box. So much that there was a second box filled with tomatoes and peaches that could not fit in the original. Watermelon and Muskmelon, beets, romaine, leaf lettuce, yellow beans, green beans, nectarines, assorted peppers, cilantro, eggplants, to name a few items.

So today I am happy to have an abundance of fresh food in my house. I may even cook something.

Each of our three children spoke at their dad's (TBHITW) funeral. The three of them stood up and with their arms around each other, read a piece that paid tribute to this cherished man.

They all spoke of the love TBHITW and I shared and how we showed them what marriage should look like. They spoke of how happy we were. In addition,

The 20 year old spoke of shared races and their relationship evolving as he became a man himself.

The 18 year old spoke of the love and special relationship between her dad and herself, his only daughter.

The 16 year old reminded us all of how this content, joyful and peaceful man would have wanted us to live:

He read:

"You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived. 
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back, 
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You an remember him only because he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close you mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

TBHITW always called out to runners, "On, On." When ever we went to see him run a race when he ran by, we'd call out, "On, On". It was our whole family's rally cry.

So today, I am saying to myself, "On, On". 

Today I will find one thing to make me smile.

On, On


  1. You are an inspiration to us all. I know you don't feel that way now, but you are. I hope you have a good day today.

  2. On, On. And when I run my first race, I'll be hearing that in my head, running to his memory. Cook something. Nourish your body and your soul.

  3. I love this post. You are soulful and beautiful. One baby step at a time...

  4. On, on girl. This was truly an inspirational post. Thanks so much for sharing and letting us experience the healing process with you.

  5. I really like what your 16 year old read at his dad's funeral. Your children sound like they are grounded and loving young people. Your abundance of fresh garden food sounds like a gift from heaven.

  6. {{Sniff!}}. That is a beautiful poem! How fitting to the memory of your wonderful husband! Yay for fresh produce- I am reveling in the bounty, myself. :o)

  7. Yes..On On!! I loved your words..I see you are finding your steps and what yout 16yr old read was a reminder to us all..we can choose how to was beautiful..the fresh garden crops you picked up is a reminder that there are beautiful things the world has to offer.. I send love your way. Marlene

  8. I love thinking that. I will be remembering it when I need a boost. I really appreciate you sharing and I hope it's helping to let it all out.

  9. I could not help but think of you today as I picked up my CSA box. I found something to smile about for you. I hope you found the will to cook something. For you that just might be therapy.

  10. What a beautiful poem. Your children sound like wonderful people. I'm so glad you have them by your side.

  11. My wish is that you do find something each day to make you smile.

    The poem is beautiful. You children sound wonderful. I am sure they will be a comfort to you at some point. I am certain that you and TBHITW did leave them with a wonderful example of marriage.

    Sometimes the only way out is through. I don't think that there are any shortcuts with grief. I can't help but think that putting down your thoughts will help you through the journey. On, On. One day at a time.

  12. You are a very strong and courageous woman. I am in awe of your ability to deal with what has happened.

  13. I won't pretend to know how you feel because I don't. I will just say that it is clear that your wonderful husband loved deeply and had the joy of knowing that he was loved deeply back. You both raised children of depth and character and love. A treasure beyond means. God bless you and your family.

    May you always find at least one reason to smile each day.

    You and yours will be in my prayers,

  14. What a wise young man your son is! Those words are so beautiful and inspiring.

  15. I'm so glad you have three rocks beside you.
    God bless you all.

  16. Okay, I'm finished sobbing now and can comment. I came over here from Charlie's site, and I am sending you all kinds of love and virtual hugs. Losing your life partner and carrying on, on -- words to live by.

  17. Doing the things you love, enjoying your produce, will help. Some, anyway. On, on.


Wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I love feedback... what with being a cook and all. I will respond to your comments via email (if you do not have a "noreply" address or here, below your comment) As always, Bon Appetite!

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