I had not done any laundry since we rushed home from the beach on that horrible day.
I folded all of TBHITW's clothes. I held each piece to my chest and cried.
TBHITW was a simple man. He liked his running T-Shirts. The ones you get free when you run a race. He has hundreds of them. I always kidded him that the only reason he ran was for free clothes.
I put all of his clothes in his dresser and our closet. Just like I always did. What else is there to do?
I was looking at some of the pictures I took while we were at the beach. These were taken on Sunday morning, just a few days before he died. We were the only two people on the beach.
It was a good morning. Just the two of us. Up early. We shared coffee and this walk.
Now when I look at these pictures I think they are prophetic. Why is only Holly leaving footprints in the sand? Was he already being carried away from me?
I want answers and there is no one here who can give them to me.
Thanks for sharing those precious memories and photos. I hope the answers come and feel sure they will in His time.
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Those are beautiful pictures. Keeping you in our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWith tears I say once again...I am so sorry that this kind of pain has found you. I am thankful that you are writing in your pain. I pray that in some small sense that it helps you. I would do the exact same thing with my husbands clothes. XX
ReplyDeleteKeep writing.
ReplyDeleteEven if you had the answers to all of your questions, it would not diminish the pain of your loss.
I've been taking moments throughout the day and night to send you and your family kind thoughts and love.
Keep talking, keep sharing, it does help. Sending you a big hug.
ReplyDeletewe are listening....just take deep breaths and know that you will survive this. You are not alone. I promise you..you will get thru this. I also am sending you thoughts of support and love. Marlene
ReplyDeleteWe've not met but Unknown Mami let us know about the terrible tragedy of your husband's untimely death ( is it every timely, really? ). I just want you to know that I am so saddened by this. I was never blessed to have that dear and wonderful a partner in my life so I grieve that you lost such a special man. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI have come across from Unknown Mami. I am sitting here crying having only met you for the first time today. I am so sorry to be meeting you under these circumstances but send you cyber hugs and blessings. Kind regards, Leanne
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know I am so very sorry to read about your loss of your husband. I hadn't been on here for a while, and was shocked to see this so, as I was choking back tears, I had to go back and try to gather what had happened. I know no words will take away your pain, only time will ease that. I am glad you are expressing your pain and memories here, we are listening, and am honored to be a part of your blog family. I pray for strength and peace to come your way. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThose are stunningly beautiful photos. Thank you for sharing them, and please do keep on writing. <>
ReplyDeleteI really liked those pictures when you first posted them. What an incredible morning. A beautiful, surreal photo.
ReplyDeleteI once wrote a paper for a death and dying class and it just happened one of my daughter's friends was killed in a car accident that weekend. We were all devastated. But I remember writing that some people in the Jewish community believe that the soul goes back and forth the last month before death. They believe it knows and prepares for its eventual passing. In the case of the young boy that died in the car accident, I think this was true. Maybe your instincts about TBHITW are correct.
I just found your blog today and I began following you. My heart aches for you. Know that you are loved and I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteHi...I'm here from Unnamed Mami and am part of a huge group thinking and praying for you. The photos are beautiful. I will keep checking in and thinking about you and your wonderful children.
ReplyDeleteYou know Michael and I were both looking at that picture and were wondering the same thing. Pretty amazing how his footprints are no were to be seen. I am so glad you took those pictures and had that last wonderful morning beach walk together.
ReplyDeleteStill thinking and praying!
Unknown Mami sent me here to give you love. Your grief must be unimaginable, please stay strong and take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteCame over from Unknown Mami. Just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. My prayers are with you and your children.
ReplyDeleteI found you through Unknown Mami. I am so sorry for your loss. Even before your comment on your wonderful pictures, I felt an eeriness like you did when you mentioned the footprints. You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. I pray that God surrounds you all with his loving arms, and keeps you there through this time.
ReplyDeleteReading this opened the floodgates for me. I am so sorry, but know you are surrounded by people who care--near and far. Your writing is beautiful, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThose photos look prophetic to me... like he is disappearing into a lovely white mist- they are beautiful. A few weeks before TLOML (the love of my life) died, he wrote me a letter about how he could die tomorrow in a car accident and at least he knew that he had told me how much he loved me. Less than three weeks later he was dead from a traffic collision. He knew...
ReplyDeleteThey're beautiful. I'm glad you have them.
ReplyDeleteWe all want answers to things like this in our lives. I think Jimmy would tell you not to look for answers in things we'll probably never know. Jimmy would point out the obvious. The kids, family, loving friends. When Jimmy came to Michigan for Shane's first surgery he didn't give great words of wisdom, was never a sappy guy. But he was there. He made us laugh when we wanted to cry. Teased the kids. Ate our food. Jimmy never asked, "I wonder why this happen to Shane?" To Jimmy it wasn't the importance of what we didn't know, but the reality of what we do know. Jimmy was a great husband, Dad, uncle, and a wonderful brother. Things we will always know. Beautiful things. Keep looking for the answers, we couldn't stop you if we wanted to. Just know we are will always be there for you and the kids. That's one answer to a question you'll never have to ask.
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