Stockings Hung and Lemon Curd

And the stockings were hung on the staircase with care.

I don't have a chimney.

And I couldn't find the red satin ribbon that I usually use to hang them. So I used poultry twine. What can I say, I'm a cook. I use what I have.

I couldn't bear to not hang TBHITW's stocking. TBHITW always called our stockings "socks". This was a point of contention with us. A Midwest versus East Coast kind of thing. He also called soda, "pop".. oy-ee-vay.

Maybe Santa will find it in his heart to put something in his sock.

I would like that; even if it is really a stocking.

Lemon Curd is expensive to buy but easy to make. If you want a treat on Christmas morning to top your waffles or French Toast or English Muffin or cheese cake or ice cream or whatever you eat on Christmas morning whip up a batch of this in the coming week or so. It keeps beautifully in your refrigerator for up to 3 weeks. It is sweet and sour - like this holiday is to me.

Lemon Curd: makes 2 cups (easily doubles)

3 lemons (unrefrigerated)
8 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 stick)
1 cup sugar
3 eggs, beaten well

Zest the lemons and mince the zest. Set aside.
Juice the lemons. Set aside.
Combine the zest, juice, butter and sugar. Place in a small saucepan or double boiler.

Cook, stirring occasionally until the sugar is dissolved.

Beat the eggs with a whisk. Add a small amount (2 tablespoons) of hot juice mixture to eggs to temper the eggs*.
Now add the egg mixture very (read very) slowly to the juice mixture. Make sure the heat is VERY low. (are you getting that I mean VERY?).
Cook, stirring constantly until mixture thickens. DO NOT BOIL.  (about 10 minutes).
Cool slightly and pour into jars, custard cups or a sealable plastic storage bowl. (I like small jelly or mason jars for this).
Refrigerate and enjoy at will.

*A Cook's Notes: Tempering the eggs means adding a bit of the hot mixture to the eggs so that the eggs won't scramble when added to the hot ingredients. If you are patient you can do this!

PS: Tinsel by the fistful.

A Gift for The Best Husband In The World (TBHITW)

I think that the greatest gift I can give my husband is a good life.

My good life.

He gave me the greatest gift I have ever received.

He gave me love.

I have known love. I have been loved.

To shrivel up in grief and despair would be the ultimate insult to him. True love would never do that to someone.

In the midst of my deep sadness I am trying (and sometimes succeeding) to walk among the happy ghosts of our marriage. The good times. The fun times. The lovely, sunny, snowy, rainy, messy, happy, joyous, sad, funny, crazy, out of control, in control, fast, slow times of our life together. Every now and then I find myself with a small smile on my face, even when it is behind tears. I am remembering something small. Something big. Something about us, about our life together.

What a shame and a sham and a waste if I didn't grasp and live the life I have. I didn't die. TBHITW died and "we" died. But I didn't die.

I will always carry a sadness within me. For the rest of life I will mourn my husband and the life we built and shared.
But today, I am choosing to begin to heal. To begin to step just a feather weight lighter because I have known love. Today I am beginning a very long journey in turning my sadness into another type of life. A life that has known love and is not over because of it.

I know there will still be dark days where I will struggle to find the light without him. But beginning today, I will struggle harder to find the light more often. Because I have known love. Because I have been loved. Because I am loved.

If the greatest gift of all is love, the second greatest gift of all is a life well lived. I owe TBHITW that. I owe him the honor of living my life well because he loved me. When my time comes I want people to say, "she lived life well, even when handed lemons, she made lemonade. Or cassoulet or boeuf bourguignon or etoufee".

"Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all"