Thursday, March 15, 2012

Home For Sale

The sign says "House For Sale".

But I know the sign is a lie. I know the truth. It should read "Home For Sale".

It has been 19 months since The Best Husband In The World left this world for another. I wonder at the  time. Where has it gone? Yesterday he was here....

I have put our home up for sale.

A home that saw much laughter and much love. And some squabbles along the way. And some tears. And some heartache. All the things that make a house a home. All the things that make a gaggle of people a family.

So the sign says "House For Sale".

My kidadults are well on their way now. No longer littles or middles, they are forging ahead into adulthood. They are making their way into this great thing we call life. They are falling in love, graduating from college (and high school - my youngest little)... they are creating their own lives.

That leaves me.

Just me.

And I have to grow, just like them. I have to move on. I have to accept the change. The biggest change of my life. Not one that I anticipated and not one that I asked for. But the only thing that is constant is change.. right?

This old house is too big for just me. Some days I feel I am walking through the gossamer curtain of ghosts. Some days it is too much. Some days I want to stay and embrace the ghosts and never leave. But it's too easy to draw the curtains and shut out the sunlight.

A very wise person in my grief group said, "You want to honor your loved one. They are gone, they lost their life and you’re upset about it, which means life must be precious. You shouldn’t waste life. By dwelling only on the loss you are wasting the very thing they lost and that does no honor to them. Honor them by reveling in what they ought to have had. If life is indeed precious then use it well. That would truly honor them."

I pondered that for some time until I understood its truth and wisdom. So - I have put our home up for sale. I don't know where I am going - I just know that I can't walk through halls of ghost. Ghosts of laughter, ghosts of memories.. things that were and things that could have been. 

TBHITW would have said "On, On".  I have to honor that. I have to find a new life. A life that holds precious what was, while finding a precious what will be. 

I am finding solace in cooking right now. My hands feel good kneading bread, my pots and pans are simmering on a burner and I remember meals cooked, meals shared, recipes created and recipes best forgotten. I love my kitchen and am spending every last minute I can in it before I give it over to someone else. Someone new. Someone who will create their very own memories and scents and tastes. 

So - my home is for sale. I only pray that the next family who occupies these walls finds all the happiness in them that we did. 

On, On.


  1. I have followed you for quite a while. I wish you all the best. Tbhinw is proud of you. this post makes me sad. everyone needs to do the right thing for themselves though. Peace to you.

  2. It is so hard to move on without the love of our life. We were on the forum together, and I stopped the forum but still follow you on your blog. Our precious men both died about the same time. Some days it feels like he died yesterday. Some days I feel that I'm going crazy but then see you are going through the same, and realize this is what grief is. Keep well. Linda

  3. Linda this is a very big step and I am proud of you for moving on and honoring his memory by doing for yourself. I do hope the transition happens quickly so you can put this behind you and start fresh. Know that even though we don't see posts from you often you are thought of frequently and with loving thoughts. I treasure your friendship and need to know from time to time that our Linda is doing OK. Have a blessed rest of the week.

  4. I started reading your blog years ago, and I remember when you shared that TBHITW had passed. I was just shocked to my core and I cried for you. Now my dad is sick, and I'm worried about my mom moving forward without him. (At some point, I think I will share your blog with her) Thanks for sharing your journey with us. It has been so brave of you and helpful to many people. Best of luck with your new plans. You are in my prayers.

  5. It will be difficult to leave, I'm sure, but once you are settled in a new place you will blossom into a new phase of life. As others have said, your honesty and courage have been inspiring, I think of you even when you haven't posted for a while, and I wish you all the best.

  6. Linda, my heart breaks for you. I understand.
    I put "our home" up for sale last year. It sold. And to a very nice young family who waited 5 years to find their "perfect" home. It was too big for me too. But just right for this new family.

    I still don't know where I want to live. I'm living temporarily (renting) in a condo, but much prefer a house with a backyard and garden. So, the search continues.

    I went through another grieving process after I moved out of the house. It hurt to let those memories go, but David is in my heart and goes everywhere I go anyway. Because of my fresh grief, I joined another bereavement support group and met the most wonderful, supportive group of women. We still have coffee all together (6 of us) and life is starting to feel a little better.

    Honour the life we have and they have given up. Good advice.
    Sending hugs and best wishes on the sale of your home.

  7. It will be a lucky family that buys your house. With all the love that is hidden in those walls. You are right it is time to move to the next phase of your life, the best husband in the world would want you to.

  8. It looks like a lovely home. I hope all works out well for you. You have been in my prayers, and that will continue.

  9. I am sure it is a great act of courage to take this next step, to fully leave this part of your past. I am admiring of your courage and praying that this next step goes smoothly. The words of wisdom from your grief group are beautiful and true.

  10. on, on linda, that is an incredibly difficult thing to do, i hope you find another house to make a home soon.

  11. Wishing you all the best in this new endeavor. On, On.

  12. I teared up reading this. On, on, with loving memories and a heart filled with sadness, joy, memories and hope.

  13. I've been thinking about you. And sending you love. Isn't it funny that there could be someone doing that, and you have no idea? So I was happy to see your post. How very brave you are! TBHITW is proud of you. I'm sure of it. And I can't wait to see the wonderful new home you will have.

  14. I can't imagine how difficult this would be but I admire you for trying to find someplace new that helps make you happy!

  15. You have been in my thoughts so much. It is most definitely a home for sale.

    “It always amazes me to think that every house on every street is full of so many stories;
    so many triumphs and tragedies, and all we see are yards and driveways.” Glenn Close

    Sending you peace and hugs. Take care.


Wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I love feedback... what with being a cook and all. I will respond to your comments via email (if you do not have a "noreply" address or here, below your comment) As always, Bon Appetite!

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