Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Pain Now

"The pain now is part of the happiness then". - CS Lewis

Would you give up yesterday for the pain today?

For me the answer is no. I would not give up one second of our life together. 

Tonight for no reason (and every reason) I cried. And cried some more. 

At the the 15 month mark I can say that it is a bit easier, a bit saner, a bit less shaky. But I think of my husband and miss him daily. 

At almost 15 months I have come to accept he is not coming back. Jim is gone. Our life together is done. There is no more "we". 

And that is why I cried tonight. 

More recipes soon. 


  1. Sending you hugs. There are no rules, cry whenever you feel like it. Wish I had better words of wisdom. Take care.

  2. What a gorgeous photo. Lots of love and prayers.

  3. I had a friend in high school who seemed to live the perfect life. She was a cheerleader and popular and gifted. She married the quarterback and they lived a fairy-tale life. She taught elementary school and he taught high school and was the beloved football coach who led the team to state. They had two perfect children and life was good. Then he developed brain cancer and died before he was 50.

    This all happened far removed from me and my life to people I was only aquainted with, not close to. But the sadness I felt was profound. I would think of her from time to time and wonder how she was able to stand the pain of losing her young husband. It was just so incredibly sad.

    Your situation is not that much different, you know. I think of you and feel that familiar pag of sadness for you, too.

    Ten years have passed and I was on Facebook just the other day and saw that my old friend has remarried. I am happy for her to have found someone to share her life with again. I doubt she thought she would ever find herself married again.

    I am thinking of you ......

  4. Your words always pack an emotional wallop. I wish you peace and healing energy.

  5. i would imagine it will always hit at different times, that he is really gone. Being a bit less shaky is good, and loving him every day is great. HUGS!

  6. Well, y'see, I'm going to disagree with you here. If there wasn't any more "we", you wouldn't have been crying.

    You will always be a part of a "we", and that's a good thing.

    Having said that, I'm also saying a prayer for you. God bless.

  7. What to say? take it easy, everyday is a new day, go easy on yourself.

  8. Sending gentle hugs, my friend.

  9. Thinking about you and Jim. Hope that Thanksgiving was as happy as it could be. Take care. xoxo

  10. Funny. I was 15 months for me, too.


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