Home For Sale

The sign says "House For Sale".

But I know the sign is a lie. I know the truth. It should read "Home For Sale".

It has been 19 months since The Best Husband In The World left this world for another. I wonder at the  time. Where has it gone? Yesterday he was here....

I have put our home up for sale.

A home that saw much laughter and much love. And some squabbles along the way. And some tears. And some heartache. All the things that make a house a home. All the things that make a gaggle of people a family.

So the sign says "House For Sale".

My kidadults are well on their way now. No longer littles or middles, they are forging ahead into adulthood. They are making their way into this great thing we call life. They are falling in love, graduating from college (and high school - my youngest little)... they are creating their own lives.

That leaves me.

Just me.

And I have to grow, just like them. I have to move on. I have to accept the change. The biggest change of my life. Not one that I anticipated and not one that I asked for. But the only thing that is constant is change.. right?

This old house is too big for just me. Some days I feel I am walking through the gossamer curtain of ghosts. Some days it is too much. Some days I want to stay and embrace the ghosts and never leave. But it's too easy to draw the curtains and shut out the sunlight.

A very wise person in my grief group said, "You want to honor your loved one. They are gone, they lost their life and you’re upset about it, which means life must be precious. You shouldn’t waste life. By dwelling only on the loss you are wasting the very thing they lost and that does no honor to them. Honor them by reveling in what they ought to have had. If life is indeed precious then use it well. That would truly honor them."


I pondered that for some time until I understood its truth and wisdom. So - I have put our home up for sale. I don't know where I am going - I just know that I can't walk through halls of ghost. Ghosts of laughter, ghosts of memories.. things that were and things that could have been. 


TBHITW would have said "On, On".  I have to honor that. I have to find a new life. A life that holds precious what was, while finding a precious what will be. 


I am finding solace in cooking right now. My hands feel good kneading bread, my pots and pans are simmering on a burner and I remember meals cooked, meals shared, recipes created and recipes best forgotten. I love my kitchen and am spending every last minute I can in it before I give it over to someone else. Someone new. Someone who will create their very own memories and scents and tastes. 


So - my home is for sale. I only pray that the next family who occupies these walls finds all the happiness in them that we did. 


On, On.

4 Days to WWW

I just realized it is only 4 days until WWW - that is Women's Wine Weekend. 

Women's Wine Weekend (notice there is no H in wine) consists of me and seven fabulous women friends all congregating at Marie's (one of the Fab 7's) weekend house in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. 

We do this twice a year - in the fall we go to Michele's farm in upstate New York. Spring finds us in Pennsylvania. 

I do look forward to these weekends. 

We, all eight of us, are from different, yet remarkably same, walks of life. There are singles, divorced, never marrieds, marrieds, childless, empty nesters, and children still at home among us. But we are the same in that we are women. And we are friends. 

WWW has all of us contributing to the welfare of the weekend. Welfare meaning food and drink. I am responsible for Saturday night dinner and you KNOW you will be seeing the recipes over the next few days. This is my menu:

Beef Tenderloin with Rosemary, red wine and chocolate sauce

Roast, crisp new potatoes with fresh herbs

Roast "sticky" carrots with honey and thyme

Fresh breads, herbed butter.

Many laughs

And of course all the wine we care to sip during the preparation, eating and clean up. Everyone pitches in and again, there is no H in wine. 

I have to get busy making my lists, shopping and preparing the best husband in the world for my departure. But I leave you with this little note about women that my dad sent me; I think it says it all as to why eight women, all different, are so alike:

One Flaw In Women 



Women have strengths that amaze men. 
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, 
but they hold happiness, love and joy. 



They smile when they want to scream. 

They sing when they want to cry.. 


They cry when they are happy 
and laugh when they are nervous. 


They fight for what they believe in. 


They stand up to injustice. 



They don't take "no" for an answer 
when they believe there is a better solution. 



They go without so their family can have. 


They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.   

They love unconditionally. 

They cry when their children excel 
and cheer when their friends get awards. 



They are happy when they hear about 
a birth or a wedding. 


Their hearts break when a friend dies. 


They grieve at the loss of a family member, 
yet they are strong when they 
think there is no strength left. 


They know that a hug and a kiss 
can heal a broken heart. 



Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. 



They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail (or blog) you 
to show how much they care about you. 



The heart of a woman is what 
makes the world keep turning.



They bring joy, hope and love. 


They have compassion and ideas.. 


They give moral support to their 
family and friends. 


Women have vital things to say 
and everything to give. 



HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, 
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. 



Don't forget your worth. More tomorrow.